Fatigue, Weight Gain, and Chin Hairs, Oh My!
Living life with PCOS. I suffer from almost all of the symptoms I mentioned in the last blog article. It started with developing irregular periods out of the blue when I was 23. Doctors didn't really know yet what PCOS was, so for several years, I either had no periods at all for several months at a time, or a period that was heavy and lasted for a month at a time with not a lot of answers. It wasn't until my husband and I decided to start trying for a baby that I got serious about figuring out what was going on. Long story short, I was finally diagnosed with PCOS, and was just told to lose weight and it would reverse itself. If only it was that easy. I tried for years to lose weight and failed. I know now, that it is extremely hard to lose weight with PCOS. I tried so many different diets and would stick to them religiously and work out. I would never lose weight and sometimes I would even gain weight despite all I did. And I have to tell you, it gets pretty hard to stick with a diet after awhile when you see no results. Eventually I would get that attitude, "Why shouldn't I eat what I want, eating good doesn't make a difference anyway." It was so frustrating. Especially because at that time it wasn't just about losing weight, it was also about having a baby. Dealing with health issues, feeling terrible all the time, not being successful at losing weight and not being able to get pregnant was the worse 5 years of my life. Physically, but mostly mentally as well. It was so emotional all the time. I will share my infertility journey another time, in another post, but I will tell you it did end with me finally getting pregnant at 30 years old thanks to several rounds of fertility injections and artificial insemination. He is healthy and 12 years old now, and I couldn't be more thankful for him. My PCOS was never "cured" though, and I still haven't been able to get healthy and lose weight since having him. As I have gotten older, daily symptoms get worse. So even though I am no longer trying to get pregnant, feeling like hell all the time, and dealing with all of the other issues it causes has still been so frustrating and emotional.
So now that fertility hasn't been my main concern for the last several years, what other demons do I battle now? There are many, I will share a few of them today. The first thing is being so fatigued and feeling sick all of the time and having no energy. I can't remember the last time I felt good or not like a zombie. It makes me sad to feel like this every day. The fatigue and feeling unwell makes the simplest tasks feel impossible. It makes it so difficult to get through the day. I mentioned before that I am teacher. I don't feel like I am the best teacher I can be because of my lack of energy. And teaching all by itself is a draining job both mentally and physically, so it makes it extra hard on me. On top of that I have the normal mom stuff to do. Taking care of my son and running him to all of his many activities, cleaning, shopping, meal prepping, you get the idea. Almost every morning when my alarm clock goes off, I am either really angry that I have to get up and face the day, which puts me in a bad mood for the start of my day, or I cry because the thought of having to be awake and on the go from 5:30 am to 9 or 10 pm seems way to overwhelming and depressing. I don't want to live life this way.
The next big "demon" is the obvious: my weight. As I mentioned it is so difficult for me to lose weight. And of course I want to lose to look better, but I mainly want to lose it in hopes it makes me feel better. I hope losing it will help give me energy, help take away my muscle and joint pains, help me not feel "sick" all of the time. I also want to get my blood pressure under control and get off of medication. Having PCOS also puts you at a greater risk for Diabetes, Heart Disease, and liver and kidney issues. I want to lose weight to help reverse all of those possibilities too. I want to live a long life to be able to watch my son that I tried so hard to have, grow up. My mother has diabetes as did her mother, my grandma, and I have been labeled as having pre-diabetes. So I am already genetically pre-disposed for it. Which is why I am determined once and for all to lose weight and take control of my life again! Last August I started following the Mediterranean diet. No processed foods, all natural, whole foods. I didn't lose right away, but instead of giving up, I kept reminding myself that just because the scale wasn't budging, didn't mean I wasn't getting healthier. Finally, after about a month, the weight started to drop. I have lost 30 pounds now! I have a lot more to go, but 30 pounds is the most I have ever been able to lose. And once I started losing, it came off pretty quickly. However, the weight loss has stalled the last month. Not losing again has made it hard to stay on track. But I have been determined! I keep reminding myself that my goal is to be healthy, not skinny, and the food I am eating HAS to be making me healthy despite the scale. Now I have added in going gluten free this last week and have lost 2 pounds. So I am hoping gluten free is what I needed to jump start the weight loss again. Some days this diet is easy and I don't mind it, other days it takes all the strength I have not to eat everything I want! But I am trying. This is the year I WILL take back my life.
The last "demon" I will talk about today is hirsutism. Simply put, facial hair. The high levels of male hormones PCOS comes with, causes women to grow hair in unwanted places. Mostly the face, but also sometimes on the chest or back. I suffer from facial hair. If I didn't shave every day, I would have a beard and mustache. This is probably the most embarrassing symptom of PCOS I have. It just kills my self -confidence. I HATE having to shave my face every morning. It doesn't feel natural as a woman to have to do that. Also, my skin is sensitive there, so it always leaves razor bumps since I do it every day. My chin area is always so irritated. Even with make up, you can see the bumpy skin. It is embarrassing. I know people must notice it, and I wonder what they think when they do. As a teacher I am always dreading that one of my teenagers will make a comment one day. Teenagers are pretty judgy you know! I won't wear my hair up in a ponytail or pulled back in public because I want to shield my chin area as much as I can. Supposedly this diet I am following will help reverse this symptom of PCOS too. I sure hope it does. It bothers me almost worse than being fat.
So now that fertility hasn't been my main concern for the last several years, what other demons do I battle now? There are many, I will share a few of them today. The first thing is being so fatigued and feeling sick all of the time and having no energy. I can't remember the last time I felt good or not like a zombie. It makes me sad to feel like this every day. The fatigue and feeling unwell makes the simplest tasks feel impossible. It makes it so difficult to get through the day. I mentioned before that I am teacher. I don't feel like I am the best teacher I can be because of my lack of energy. And teaching all by itself is a draining job both mentally and physically, so it makes it extra hard on me. On top of that I have the normal mom stuff to do. Taking care of my son and running him to all of his many activities, cleaning, shopping, meal prepping, you get the idea. Almost every morning when my alarm clock goes off, I am either really angry that I have to get up and face the day, which puts me in a bad mood for the start of my day, or I cry because the thought of having to be awake and on the go from 5:30 am to 9 or 10 pm seems way to overwhelming and depressing. I don't want to live life this way.
The next big "demon" is the obvious: my weight. As I mentioned it is so difficult for me to lose weight. And of course I want to lose to look better, but I mainly want to lose it in hopes it makes me feel better. I hope losing it will help give me energy, help take away my muscle and joint pains, help me not feel "sick" all of the time. I also want to get my blood pressure under control and get off of medication. Having PCOS also puts you at a greater risk for Diabetes, Heart Disease, and liver and kidney issues. I want to lose weight to help reverse all of those possibilities too. I want to live a long life to be able to watch my son that I tried so hard to have, grow up. My mother has diabetes as did her mother, my grandma, and I have been labeled as having pre-diabetes. So I am already genetically pre-disposed for it. Which is why I am determined once and for all to lose weight and take control of my life again! Last August I started following the Mediterranean diet. No processed foods, all natural, whole foods. I didn't lose right away, but instead of giving up, I kept reminding myself that just because the scale wasn't budging, didn't mean I wasn't getting healthier. Finally, after about a month, the weight started to drop. I have lost 30 pounds now! I have a lot more to go, but 30 pounds is the most I have ever been able to lose. And once I started losing, it came off pretty quickly. However, the weight loss has stalled the last month. Not losing again has made it hard to stay on track. But I have been determined! I keep reminding myself that my goal is to be healthy, not skinny, and the food I am eating HAS to be making me healthy despite the scale. Now I have added in going gluten free this last week and have lost 2 pounds. So I am hoping gluten free is what I needed to jump start the weight loss again. Some days this diet is easy and I don't mind it, other days it takes all the strength I have not to eat everything I want! But I am trying. This is the year I WILL take back my life.
The last "demon" I will talk about today is hirsutism. Simply put, facial hair. The high levels of male hormones PCOS comes with, causes women to grow hair in unwanted places. Mostly the face, but also sometimes on the chest or back. I suffer from facial hair. If I didn't shave every day, I would have a beard and mustache. This is probably the most embarrassing symptom of PCOS I have. It just kills my self -confidence. I HATE having to shave my face every morning. It doesn't feel natural as a woman to have to do that. Also, my skin is sensitive there, so it always leaves razor bumps since I do it every day. My chin area is always so irritated. Even with make up, you can see the bumpy skin. It is embarrassing. I know people must notice it, and I wonder what they think when they do. As a teacher I am always dreading that one of my teenagers will make a comment one day. Teenagers are pretty judgy you know! I won't wear my hair up in a ponytail or pulled back in public because I want to shield my chin area as much as I can. Supposedly this diet I am following will help reverse this symptom of PCOS too. I sure hope it does. It bothers me almost worse than being fat.
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